Congratulations, you’re engaged! You are about to embark on the exciting journey of planning your wedding together, and I’m guessing you might be feeling a little lost. The good news? Every newly engaged couple feels this way, and the fact is no matter how many lessons your already married family members pass on or how many Google searches you type, you are still going to make mistakes during this process. You’re human after all. However that doesn’t mean you can’t come prepared for this quest with a few pro tips. Here are the top 10 pitfalls engaged couples experience (and how to avoid them).
1. Inviting everyone, and their brother.
This is a rabbit hole couples frequently find themselves falling into. It starts with “Jan from accounting is really nice, maybe I should invite her,” and all of a sudden the whole finance team from your office is coming. Remember every person you invite will have a plus one. Inviting ten work friends means paying for 20 additional meals. This is a quick way for your budget to get out of control. Don’t be afraid to draw the line for your guest list. You may think you are offending people by not inviting them, but most have paid for their own wedding and will be respectful of your budget. One way to narrow down guests who you feel absolutely need to be there is to ask yourself: “On any other given day, would I go out with and buy dinner for this person?” If the answer is no, it’s safe to say you can respectfully cross them off of your list.
2. Waiting too long to book vendors.
Whether you have a short or long engagement, missing out on vendors could happen to you if you do not act quickly enough. Being as large as it is, the wedding industry has a wide variety of vendors, but maybe not all of them are vendors you want. You will click with the style and service levels of certain vendors more than others, and having choices means choosing them early. Your first choice of photographer or DJ might be a popular one and book up fast. Especially be cognizant of engagement season, which is typically November to January. If you are engaged during this time, you could be facing more competition than usual for your florist or your caterer. Start booking early, but also don’t settle too quickly either. Do your research first and find the right vendor for you before signing a contract.
3. Setting expectations before setting a budget.
Getting engaged is euphoric. You’re in a haze of excitement that is intoxicating. During this time, enjoy yourselves, but be careful how much planning you do before you know what you can really afford. A lot of us have heard the average cost of a wedding before, but never really believe it before we have to pay for it ourselves. Sit down with your fiance and plan a budget before you really start to plan a wedding. Where are you both willing to cut corners? What do you both want to splurge on? It's important to understand each others wants and wishes so you know what to prioritize, and also where to compromise. Doing this early will save you from touring your dream venue with a rental fee of $5,000 when you only have $2,000 to work with. Next step is to set these expectations with your parents. They may have a vision for your wedding grander than your own. Being upfront about what's in your budget and where they can help will be key to keeping your planning on the right track.
4. Choosing the wedding date.
Choosing the right timing for your wedding day should take into account a lot of factors that couples often overlook. While a morning ceremony might work well for some weddings, do you want to have to get up at 4:00 AM to start getting ready? Do your guests have to travel a long way to get to you? Same goes for a later wedding. Will guests be driving to your wedding just to turn back around again because dinner isn't until 7:00 PM? Ideally, your ceremony should end about two hours before sunset to maximize the best natural lighting for your photography and videography. Plus this gives just the right amount of time for your guests to mingle and enjoy cocktails before dinner without feeling rushed or dragged out. This timeline might not work out for every wedding, but putting thought into the timing of your big day creates a seamless experience for you and your guests.
5. Picking a registry only because you think you have to.
There was a time when most newlyweds were living with each other for the first time after saying “I do.” Nowadays, many couples live together for years before tying the knot, meaning they have already accumulated dishes, pans, decorations, furniture, and all the other home goods they could possibly want or need. So why do we always feel we need to pick a kitchen or home decor store for our registries? Well, because that’s just how people have always done it, but it may be time to ditch that old tradition. Pick a registry that is actually something you want or need, like having your guests pay toward your honeymoon or even a down payment for a house. There are online registries that can fit any of your needs.
6. Doing everything to please your family.
Sharing this amazing day with your family is one of the best experiences you will have in your lifetime, but you don’t have to let them dominate your experience. Your parents and other family members will have a lot of opinions and don’t think you won’t have to fend off a little bit of guilt-tripping (or a bunch). Just remember that this is ultimately your day. Your family can be there to share in the decision-making, but you are the final decision maker. You will walk a fine line of being respectful to your family’s wishes while still having the wedding you always dreamed of. The best you can do is set expectations early. Voice what it is you want and what will make you happy. However, don't forget to let your loved ones be a part of things because seeing you get married is one of the most joyous times of their lives as well.
7. Choosing the wedding date before you are ready to make deposits.
Picking a wedding date early is completely fine, but engaged couples need to be ready to fork out some serious bucks for securing vendors. You may think because your wedding is a year away you have time to save up before then, but don’t forget about vendor deposits. You will be booking photographers, DJs, caterers, bakers, florists, etc. all likely around the same time, and most of these will require down payment upfront. These deposits aren’t always just a couple hundred dollars, either. Some might be upwards of a thousand dollars just to secure your wedding date. If you are not ready to put down vendor deposits all at once, you may have to consider pushing out your date for another year and giving yourselves time to save up.
8. Not sharing your vision with your vendors.
Speaking of vendors, another pitfall couples find themselves encountering are vendors that do not get their vision. This partly goes along with picking the right vendor, one that gels well with you and your type of wedding. However that is not the whole story. Although you may have liked some pictures on Facebook of your vendor’s work, that doesn’t necessarily mean they know that is what you want. Make sure to set up a visit with each one to go over questions and express your idea of a dream wedding. Then remember to keep up communication as things change and you imagine new details.
9. Letting your wedding party get out of control.
Choosing your wedding party is loads of fun. It’s a way to honor all the ladies and gentlemen who have positively impacted your life by making them your right-hand guys and gals. There may be a ton of people you want next to you on your big day, but try to keep that list down to a minimum. As exciting as it is, you have to think of how big a wedding party you can afford. Remember, there are costs that go along with having bridesmaids and groomsmen - wedding party gifts, bouquets, makeup, hair, jewelry. You can ask your party to pay for some of these things, but you are expected to take over some of it. Plus can all of your party afford these things if you can’t? Don’t leave anyone super important out, but also don’t feel you have to have everyone in your party. Having the right number also means you can do generous things for them, like paying to make sure they have open bar all night or getting your bridesmaids matching robes while getting ready.
10. Feeling overly stressed.
“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times” can probably describe the dichotomy of wedding planning to a T. You will be filled with love and elation, but there are going to be times where the stress of planning will get to you. Don’t overthink it. No matter what, your wedding day won’t be absolutely perfect, and that’s okay. It will still be everything you ever dreamed of and more. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, go for a walk in the park, watch your favorite movie, or go get a drink with friends. This is one of the most exciting times of your life, and you deserve to be happy! Be prepared for some bumps along the way, but always stay positive and remember it will all be worth it in the end when you have the rest of forever to spend with your prince charming.
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